Witnessing Joy in a Dark Room

i started volunteering at the orphanage today. i think that I am still processing this afternoon's trip. I didn't really know what to expect from it really. when the teachers go on sunday afternoons, they are not allowed to go in the baby rooms. they play with the 2-4 year olds outside. because my friend has been involved with adoptions for so long here, she has been able to work with the nuns and educate them on the importance of baby massages. so we got to massage the little babies!! i couldn't believe it! I was in the room with babies who looked to be about 8-13 months old. now they might be a bit older but they were just starting to stand up and try to walk so i would guess about that age. when we got there they were feeding them. a couple were crying...a couple were sleeping...others just hanging out. after a few minutes, they brought us 3 little babies. i would say they were about 5 months old. all boys. i swear...adorable!!! we loved them and gave them massages, did a little Physical Therapy muscle toning type stuff and just held them until it was time to go. while we were there, they got out a new mat and let the kids crawl around. some where trying to stand and attempting their first steps. I couldn't help but think of emma at this age. they then put on some french children's music and the kids started bopping and swaying around. I thought of Emma's nanny telling me that she enjoys joyful music.

i didn't really know how i would react today. i didn't know if my thoughts would be for our future children or more directed to emma's past. i was definitely more connected to emma's past. i think it was a bit easier because emma was in foster care at this age. i noticed their cloth diapers...not a rope or bungee cord to be seen thank goodness as this is often the case in china. i watched the little ones try to dance around the room and thought of emma's ankle scars from being tied to her crib. it made me grateful for this orphanage. the nuns seemed to be enjoying their time with the little ones. they were singing to them and clapping along. the children were all smiling. there was joy in that dark room.

it is so different from our china experience. i was probably in the same room as my friend's little girl. and the children of some of you who are reading this blog. my friend has had her dossier in rwanda since january knowing exactly where her little girl is and where she will go to get her. with china, we had no idea where emma was in that huge country until we got her picture. so different. what a blessing for the parents waiting to be able to pray so specifically for their little ones.

so much to process. i'm just so happy to finally be able to go. i have been so scared to go for the last several weeks given the changes in the rwanda adoption seen. i just wasn't sure if i could handle it. orphans and their care are constantly on my heart. i feel like this was my reason for moving here. i'm just praying for God to use me to help the orphans here. there are about 1 million of them in a country of 9 million.

i'm starting small and praying for something big.