8 Months Ago Today!

During our 2 year wait for Emma, we had a website that started out as a way for us to keep friends and family current on the process. But, it really turned into a great outlet for me during that time. It allowed me to capture my thoughts during the whole thing so that Emma could one day know not only that I was thinking about and praying for her that whole time but also exactly what that sounded like. In October, our subscription expired and I thought we could do without it. I have really been missing that lately. So, I'm back online!

3AM finally walking through our front door

Eight months ago today we carried Emma through our front door for the first time. It was such an amazing moment to walk through the door at 3AM after hours (days) of traveling to see my family all lined up beaming with excitement. They just kept saying, "She actually moves! It's so awesome to see her actually moving and not just in a picture." At that time, Emma was 16 months old, weighed 21lbs and was about 30" tall. She didn't crawl, she barely spoke but she sure knew how to smile and laugh. Today she is 2 years old, 27lbs and 35.5" tall. She is running all over the place and talking up a storm. She loves to have tea parties with her toy food and dishes. I know that she was meant to be my daughter because she loves to sing and dance and watch The Sound of Music! Broadway here she comes!


I just can't imagine what I would be feeling right now if we were still waiting for her. The wait was horrible but every time she smiles and calls me MaMa it all goes away. My days are now filled with potty training, snack time and Sesame Street. I still think of Emma's birth family all the time though. Last week was her 2nd birthday. The week was very difficult for me. I couldn't stop thinking about Emma's birth mother in China. Someone sent me this 25 Random Things About Me thing on Facebook. What was supposed to be a fun light hearted list turned into my mind oozing questions. Here is my list of 25 Random Things About Me.

1. I can't stop thinking about Emma's birth mother.

2. I wonder what she is going through this week...knowing that it is her daughter's birthday Thursday.

3. I wonder what she will think about on Friday...knowing that 2 years ago she laid Emma at the gate of the orphanage to be found.

4. I wonder if she is young or old...married or single.

5. I wonder if she has Emma's eyes and lips.

6. I wonder if Emma has siblings in China. most of these kids probably do.

7. I wonder how long Emma was outside the orphanage before someone came to work and found her at 7am.

8. I wonder how long Emma's birth mom cried.

9. I wish that I knew her name.

10. I wonder where her birth family lives...in the city or out in a neighboring village.

11. I wonder if she walks by the orphanage and wonders if Emma is still in side.

12. I wonder if she knew what we know now.

13. I wonder where Emma was born...in hiding, in a hospital, in a home, in a field

14. I wonder if Emma's birth father even knows she exists or... if he is the reason she is here.

15. I hope that Emma will love her birth mother when she is old enough to understand all of this.

16. I don't even understand all of this some days.

17. I spent 2 years reading everything I could find about Chinese women trying to connect with her and I still don't know her.

18. I wonder if she is educated...Emma is so smart...her birth parents must have something to do with that.

19. I wonder how often she thinks of Emma.

20. I wish that I could tell her that she is happy!

21. I wish that I could show her how beautiful she is.

22. I wish that I could know her.

23. I wish that Emma could know her.

24. I think that it is ironic that one of the reasons we chose international adoption is because the birth parents can't "find" you.

25.Now I realize how selfish that really is.